Basic Thoughts on Trust and Forgiveness– And a note on Marriage

Basic Thoughts on Trust and Forgiveness–
And a note on Marriage
Dr. James D. Allen, 2020

Trust is usually given on a probationary basis, whether by word, contract, or covenant.
Forgiveness is to be given freely to the offender.

Trust can be dented, damaged, or even destroyed.
Forgiveness is, at one time, an act, but also a process.

Trust, when violated, is hard to gain back.
Forgiveness, in process, is difficult and requires constant reminders of God’s forgiveness for us.

Trust grows with time and actions that reveal the person is worthy of trust. Integrity. Character.
Forgiveness may or may not end in reconciliation.

Trust can be diminished by words and/or by deeds.
Forgiveness does not restore trust.

We must trust one another in business, marriage, partnerships, and friendships. This trust, once damaged, is hard to restore.

“An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.” Proverbs 18:19 (NLV)

Marriage

Proverbs 18:19 is especially true of a close friendship or a covenant such as marriage. Some trust is foolhardy. I have told future brides at times that the man they are going to marry is not a “one-woman kind of man.” It has been listened to and heeded in a couple of cases, but is typically ignored. It has been rare advice, but it has always been the right advice. Why? The actions during courtship. I am no mind reader, but it doesn’t take a prophet to know that a guy who cheats four times in a one-year courtship is the wrong guy.

The big myth that Bride and Groom accept when they enter marriage is:

Bride: I will change him after we marry.
Groom: She will never change.

The truth is that you will both change and as two streams of water flow together to form one river, it is rocky at times, but worth the effort.

Marriage is a covenant between the man, the woman, and God. Marriage was God’s idea, and He gets to define it.
Some Christians, unwittingly, guilt others to believe that they must always forgive and reconcile. This is foolhardy advice and can lead to a lifetime of misery for the spouse and children. When a man fired a shotgun between his two children to scare the wife, do you think I had a hard time getting her safely out of the situation and encouraging divorce? NO.

I posted a note on Facebook this morning, and I wish it could be tattooed on every young person’s mind. I am not sure where it originated, but it is some good common-sense advice, and with it I close this blog.

jda, 2020