True or False Victim to Victor

I don’t trust people who say they have no regrets, women who say they do what they want and have no guilt, or men who say they don’t care what others think. It is not that I think they are liars; it is that they have deceived themselves. From the very beginning of humanity, men and women have cared. They walked in the garden in peace with one another and their creator until they made a decision that changed their lives. They ate from the forbidden tree.

The regret was obvious as Adam now covered his nakedness from Eve and Eve from Adam. The guilt was obvious as they hid from their Creator when He moved toward them. The regret issued forth into victimhood, excuses, and blame. Eve said she was a victim of the serpent. Adam said he was a victim of the woman that God gave him. Both declared victimhood, and neither accepted the blame.

There are true victims in the world, and as a counselor, I’ve learned that helping them alleviate the guilt, shame, and regret they experience is crucial. One powerful tool in this process is forgiveness. By guiding true victims toward forgiving their attackers or predators, we can help them break free from the chains of victimhood and reclaim their lives. On the other hand, for those who choose to hide beneath the cover of false victimhood, such as Adam and Eve, I must help them uncover their guilt and contribution to their current situation.  They need a dose of reality, a shift from blame to repentance.

The next step towards healing and returning to a productive life is FOCUS. Our focus determines our influence. Today, we have so many options and opportunities in the West. When we come out of the place of victim and withdrawal, whether true or false, we need to focus our lives on what is important. The important thing in life is what gives us purpose and vitality.  For many of us, the priorities in life are God, family, and work/goals.  We need to take all the options afforded us and first screen them through this rubric. I suggest you place two options under each category: God, Family, and Work. For example, God—More private devotion, more time in service to others, Family—More focus on quality time, vacation, Work—write the book, create the dream. Make the focus specific, measurable, and scalable. Begin to eliminate things that don’t contribute to the end goal. This increases your focus and productivity and gives you a sense of control, the control you lost when you became a victim. It will feel good!

If you are a victim, there is hope! There is hope if you blame others for bad decisions and claim victimhood! Admit your faults, your regrets, and even your guilt, and begin to focus on life again. You are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. You are enough for Him to use. Arise and allow Him to change you from victim to victor.

This is your time.

Dr. James D. Allen

Overflowinghope180.com