Forgiveness is UnEveN on Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday is a day many in the church call for repentance and renewed dedication to God and one another. It is a day of reflection and evaluation of our fallen nature, our prideful actions, our sin against God and others, and a general attitude turned toward God. There may be ashes on the forehead, but smoldering ashes must also be in the heart. Ashes represent those things that have bogged us down and clouded our vision of God and others.

Forgiveness is always uneven. What do I mean by that? Forgiveness is not a tit-for-tat kind of settlement but is more a tik for TAT. A person may ask for pardon without understanding the full pain of their actions. Our receiving of forgiveness from God is always more than we deserve. I have often been asked why we must forgive others if they don’t acknowledge how they have wronged us, since even God requires we repent to receive forgiveness. The answer to this question is at the heart of uneven forgiveness.

God has never sinned against anyone and is not a debtor to anyone. His forgiveness can have conditions attached because the person owes so much to God, and God owes nothing to any person. His forgiveness is founded in his mercy and grace. There is no: God, I will forgive that person if you do this for me. Instead, God places us as the debtor, and our forgiveness of others is the currency by which he forgives us. As Jesus taught the disciples to pray, Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Paul notes this unevenness in his epistle to the Church at Ephesus: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you, Ephesians 4:32 (NIV).

But he did so much more to me, and my sin was small compared to what he did. That may be true, but you did far more against God, and he forgives you. Peter’s question of Jesus about this very thing unveils our hearts concerning forgiveness: Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times, [or seven times seventy]  Matthew 18:21,22 (NIV). Whether it is 77 or 490, or 1000, the principle issue appears to be that we can stop forgiving others when we need no further forgiveness from God.

Forgiveness is always uneven, but it does not mean minimizing, reconciling, trusting, or forgetting. The goal is to reconcile in relationships, but it is not always possible. Paul suggests that: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18, NIV). Forgiving someone for taking a valuable ring from you does not require you to give them your jewelry box for safekeeping! Forgiveness is free, but trust is a commodity that others earn. People will confess their sin or offense to you privately, then deny having said it publicly. People may ask for forgiveness a hundred times, and you will forgive them, but that doesn’t mean you will support them in any way.

The church is good at telling us what is right and wrong but not always so accomplished at telling us how to do what is right. Let me give you five practical points to remember this Ash Wednesday, five principles that may help us.

1. When someone apologizes, repents, or asks for forgiveness, do not say Oh, that is okay, no problem, I knew you didn’t mean it: [how do you know this, do you read minds?]Do not minimize their act of contrition: accept it graciously and acknowledge your part in the issue if warranted.
2. Do not minimize what a person has done to you. Forgiveness is not minimizing how a person has offended you, attacked you, harmed you, etc. Forgiveness is acknowledging the complete depth of the pain and hurts and forgiving despite the pain.
3. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation or restoring trust. Forgiveness must be freely given, but trust is earned, and reconciliation is not always possible.
4. A person may privately acknowledge their lies or issues but publicly still declare their innocence and your guilt. Do not allow retaliation to be your plan, but prayer and a continued attitude of forgiveness.
5. Forgiveness does not mean the consequences of the person’s actions are negated. It also does not mean that the one who asks for forgiveness will be free of responsibility in discipline by the law, the church, the community, or by a person or persons.

As we consider and reflect on our sins and failings today, may we be reminded of the mercy of our God. He has promised to forgive us as we repent and acknowledge our sins before him. The one thing that I am sure of, you will always get the best UnEveN forgiveness deal with God.

Forgiveness is hard.

Lord help us, we pray.

Dr. James D. Allen